Untalented fan-wankery

Why is it that fans of certain franchises always wind up being so terrible at being fans? I'm speaking specifically about videogames, but I think this is true for other mediums as well.

It's just so shocking to me how so many hardcore fanboys have no clue what makes the property they're into actually enjoyable. So often, you see fan projects or fan wishes for a specific game or a game series that are just so terribly contrary to what the game stands for.

The Legend of Zelda is a perfect example. Every Zelda fan game (or fake Zelda game, such as the one shown on the fake E3 listing that inspired this post: http://kotaku.com/5531964/speak+up-on-kotaku-fake-e3-leaks-dog-voting-bad-genres-and-retired-pirates/gallery/ ) has some terrible name to invoke dark imagery. Have you played Zelda? Yes, there are some darker elements to the series, but it's very clearly a positive and uplifting series. There are bright colors and cartoony characters. There is usually a cheerful sidekick who is both your guide as well as the comedy relief. Heck, friggin' Tingle exists, which should be proof enough that the standard gear for Zelda is "light-hearted."

And yet I just quickly pulled up titles of various Zelda fan projects and here's what I found:

• Hall of the Undead
• Child of Darkness
• The Fallen Sage
• Enfolding Chaos
• The Hyrule Wars

What's with all this darkness and falling? Did these people only play the dramatic moments of the games and ignore the remaining 90% where Link is an elven boy in a tunic milking cows and playing hide-and-go-seek with a bunch of school children?

I should mention that Kingdom Hearts and Pokemon are two other light-hearted series who have insane fans that somehow think they're in desperate need for sex, violence, and terrible revenge plots. (Although, beginning with Kingdom Hearts II, it seems that series has gone into full-on Square-Enix drama mode, so it's basically just going to be emo angst forever and ever and ever. Look for Mickey to be sporting eyeliner and contempt for his parents in Kingdom Hearts III!)

I'm probably being too hard on the fanboys, but when I hear some internet kid's dream of the perfect Zelda game (or another franchise whose fanboys suffer from this sickness) and the combat-heavy, dystopian God of War-clone that they want it to be, I can't help but feel like ranting.

Besides, if you want a derivative, dark-and-macho-to-the-point-of-parody Zelda-clone, you've already got Darksiders.

Twitter

So apparently I can automatically tweet about new posts? Let's see if this works.

Pointless internets

I just tried linking a newly-created Formspring account to my blog.

Have you heard of Formspring? It's a site where people can go to ask you random questions.

It's perfect for somebody like me who has a huge ego but doesn't like to talk about it. I can pretend that people actually value my opinions on certain topics while claiming they're the ones who are reaching out to me!

Everybody wins! (Except for the people who actually bother asking me questions or reading my answers. They're clearly losing.)

So, the issue is that Formspring automatically posts to your "most recent" blog. In this case, my answers were going to Our Proposed Failures - a record of wasted life first planned out when Ted and I were living together. Until I can get that fixed and get those answers posting to this blog (assuming there are additional questions in the future), I'll just post a link here and call it a day.

My formspring: http://formspring.me/Outrider

And Our Proposed Failures, just for the heck of it: http://proposedfailures.blogspot.com/

Oh, and my work computer had to be wiped clean today! It was equal parts frustrating and liberating.