Testing Twitterfeed again.

Just saw Iron Man 2. It was fun.

Just signed the lease on my new apartment earlier this evening. It was kind of satisfying.

That's about everything.

And, oh yeah - TwitterFeed is supposed to be working again, so this is really just a test post. Sorry.

Untalented fan-wankery

Why is it that fans of certain franchises always wind up being so terrible at being fans? I'm speaking specifically about videogames, but I think this is true for other mediums as well.

It's just so shocking to me how so many hardcore fanboys have no clue what makes the property they're into actually enjoyable. So often, you see fan projects or fan wishes for a specific game or a game series that are just so terribly contrary to what the game stands for.

The Legend of Zelda is a perfect example. Every Zelda fan game (or fake Zelda game, such as the one shown on the fake E3 listing that inspired this post: http://kotaku.com/5531964/speak+up-on-kotaku-fake-e3-leaks-dog-voting-bad-genres-and-retired-pirates/gallery/ ) has some terrible name to invoke dark imagery. Have you played Zelda? Yes, there are some darker elements to the series, but it's very clearly a positive and uplifting series. There are bright colors and cartoony characters. There is usually a cheerful sidekick who is both your guide as well as the comedy relief. Heck, friggin' Tingle exists, which should be proof enough that the standard gear for Zelda is "light-hearted."

And yet I just quickly pulled up titles of various Zelda fan projects and here's what I found:

• Hall of the Undead
• Child of Darkness
• The Fallen Sage
• Enfolding Chaos
• The Hyrule Wars

What's with all this darkness and falling? Did these people only play the dramatic moments of the games and ignore the remaining 90% where Link is an elven boy in a tunic milking cows and playing hide-and-go-seek with a bunch of school children?

I should mention that Kingdom Hearts and Pokemon are two other light-hearted series who have insane fans that somehow think they're in desperate need for sex, violence, and terrible revenge plots. (Although, beginning with Kingdom Hearts II, it seems that series has gone into full-on Square-Enix drama mode, so it's basically just going to be emo angst forever and ever and ever. Look for Mickey to be sporting eyeliner and contempt for his parents in Kingdom Hearts III!)

I'm probably being too hard on the fanboys, but when I hear some internet kid's dream of the perfect Zelda game (or another franchise whose fanboys suffer from this sickness) and the combat-heavy, dystopian God of War-clone that they want it to be, I can't help but feel like ranting.

Besides, if you want a derivative, dark-and-macho-to-the-point-of-parody Zelda-clone, you've already got Darksiders.

Birthdays, Plans, and Imagined Memories

It's currently 3:07 AM Sunday morning and I'm calling an official end to my birthday festivities. Things kicked off this past Thursday (my actual birthday) with a homemade pizza dinner with Mayra and my parents. We then went out to the downtown bars for a few drinks and wound up staying out way later than I had planned. A few hours later I was up for a day of work that I'm embarrassed to admit was a bit more of a blur than I would have liked. Friday evening I had a special dinner of sopes with Mayra's family and then passed out in Mayra's bed instead of going to the movies like we had planned. Today was the official "party," as people actually came by to celebrate and we did the whole huge dinner/opening presents thing.

Sure, Mayra and I are heading into Queens to grab some dinner with Terry and Micah tomorrow evening (okay, technically later tonight), so I could call that as part of the celebration, but I figure I shouldn't try and get greedy. I've had a real blast the past 72 hours and I think I'm good. I've had a great time with my family, had a blast with my friends, and been able to spend many hours with the woman I love. Couldn't ask for a better birthday.

I've decided that in my twenty-fifth year, I want to increase my creative output to the point where I actually output things I've created more often than "once or twice in a year if I'm lucky." I want to finish games, write stories, and God, do I ever wish I could draw again. I'm going to try and set aside more time for these forms of entertainment where all the fun is up to me, rather than relying so much on games, movies and books for prepared enjoyment. We'll see how this goes.

As I move past this (rather arbitrary) milestone and begin planning out what it means to me, it makes me think about how I dealt with the previous milestone of graduation from college and how I had imagined that would go. No real profound thoughts, just decompressing some things I've had in my head for ages.

I'll be honest by saying that I would occasionally day-dream about the idealized graduation scenario. I'd picture myself a little nervous but ultimately excited, Mayra by my side as I finished up my last remaining classes. I saw myself spending plenty of time with my friends, enjoying the last few weeks of our relatively consequence-free lifestyles. I could hear my family congratulating me as I met with them dressed in my cap and gown with my diploma in my hands. Things only became more romantic (I'm using that word in the classical sense) in my head when Mayra decided she would be studying abroad during my final semester at college, which meant she would be returning to the US just a few weeks before (or as I imagined it - just in time for) the end of my semester. I would go visit her during spring break and once she returned home she would come up and stay with me for the week leading up to graduation. I'd play these thoughts over and over again in my mind. It's a beautiful dream that's still vivid in my head to this very day.

Of course, it didn't happen like that at all. Yes, my family was there, but Bryan had accidentally planned out an overseas vacation at that time and had to miss my graduation weekend. Sure, I had plenty of time with my friends, but real life had claimed us far earlier than planned. And of course, Mayra wasn't there. She got sick less than a month into the first semester, and was just becoming acclimated to life outside of the hospital when graduation rolled around. (She did leave a voicemail on my phone wishing me a happy graduation. Mayra's simple message meant more to me than even I thought it would.)

I'm not angry or upset that this dream didn't become a reality. It's petty to take such matters personally. And besides, my last few weeks of school were filled with amazing memories that I often think back to. But I still think back to the idealized future I had in my head for so long. I always thought of myself as the kind of person who didn't get dragged along by his immature or overly specific dreams, but I had caught myself in the same trap as the girl who plans to have children by this year or the guy who enters school knowing from day one that he'll be a top physician.

And so as I look at where the rest of my twenties will take me (and even further than that), it's not just important to make sure that my roadmap has direction, but to also give it plenty of leeway and chances to move into other areas. If there's one thing I've learned in my twenty-four years that I'll make sure to remember in my twenty-fifth year, it's that your plans are always subject to change. Look to the future, reach for the stars, but don't be afraid to change things up.

(This post partially inspired by David Willis recently re-posting his old mini-series "Roomies: Is a Song Forever?", which first got me thinking about end-of-college scenarios back when I was first in college, and has gotten me reminiscing about it recently.)

Stroll down (cardboard) memory lane

I had to do some serious cleaning in my bedroom last night, and I started finding some ancient creations from my younger days.

Among various notebook drawings from high school, I came across a few cardboard games I made back in the day

(I used to make lots of toys and boardgames using arts and crafts supplies when I was a kid. Yeah, I was one of those weirdo creative types.)

So, I came across a Dragon Ball Z card game and a Metal Gear Solid board game.

During high school, I was way into Dragon Ball. Way into it. My friends and I watch and talk and theorize all the time. I remember finding a website that had information on the show that came from the episodes that hadn't made it to the US yet. It was such a big deal to us. Finding this secret knowledge felt like uncovering some sort of treasure trove.

So, in addition to the other ways I obsessed over it, I used to do a lot of drawing. Not really of the main characters, but more often of my own characters set in that world.

For those of you who don't know me, this is going to be a running theme. Keep it in mind - there will be a test.

Anywho, I began working on this card game while visiting my grandparents one weekend with the family. Don't know why - it was probably a combination of boredom and curiosity (that is to say, I was curious about how the mechanics of the game could work).

The card game revolved around two players trying to take down each other's team of super-powered martial artists by playing characters, powering them up with items and special abilities, and using the titular Dragon Balls to generally muck up their opponent's day.

Dyl and I played once or twice, and from what I can remember, it was kind of fun. Of course, I had a ton of fun drawing little pictures on each card and coming up with the game mechanics. (I made a third deck using my original characters a little later, but I didn't see it last night when I was cleaning. I'm hoping it didn't get thrown out.)

Finding this little project (literally little - for some reason I made each card about 1 inch by two inches) was a nice reminder. I'd thought about these cards before during the years since I created them and I think in the back of my head I always remembered where they were.

The Metal Gear Solid board game though? Wow - I didn't remember this thing existed until I started flipping through the rules and the game pieces.

This was a Christmas present (I think?) for Bryan (I think?) back in 2004. I'm sure about the year, as one of the few memories I have of this game was working on it while at my part-time job answering phones at the church.

Players choose one of four characters (Solid Snake, Meryl, Cyborg Ninja, and Otacon) and move around Shadow Moses island collecting items and battle guards, gun turrets, and bosses. The goal of the game was to accumulate enough weapons, key cards, or kills to take down Metal Gear Rex. In a unusual turn for my homemade games, I actually didn't draw all of the art for this game. Most of it was made up of (what else?) tiny pencil drawings on tiny pieces of paper, however the main character cards and the boss cards all used official MGS character art or screenshots. I'm actually really happy with that decision - it makes the presentation slightly more enticing than the usual "only my family would humor me by playing this" look that the games usually have.

In an even more unusual turn for my games, I actually wrote down the rules for this one. See, here's the thing - I never really considered that I would be finding these games years later and as a result, didn't want to go through the boring process of documenting how to play these games. I ran these games mostly by memory! Sure, it sounds absurd now, but Dyl and I played plenty of homemade tabletop/board games with undefined rules, and we still had fun! (This is also the reason why I still can't figure out how to play the aforementioned DBZ card game.)

But yeah, the MGS board game has a rules sheet! And looking through it, it actually sounds like it could be a fun game! I imagine there are some balancing issues, but it actually has some pretty neat ideas! The weirdest thing is that it reminds me of some of the more complex board games I've had a passing interest in in recent years - except I came up with this game back in high school. Clearly I'm some sort of time-traveling idiot-savant or something.

It's just so satisfying (and thrilling and sometimes moving) finding lost relics of your past. It's even more satisfying when your find is something you created - you get to experience it anew and at the same time relive your memories with this miniature time capsule. I sometimes hate how much of a pack rat I am, but whenever I make one of these discoveries I can't help but feel that it's all worth it.

(Plus - maybe this is a sign I should get back into designing board games, huh?)

Twitter

So apparently I can automatically tweet about new posts? Let's see if this works.

Tired

I really need to start getting to bed earlier.

And waking up earlier.

Actually, there are a few things I should really get around to doing.

Just checking in - no major updates in life. Hoping to finally get out there and buy a car soon, but that's what I've been saying for the past six months or so. I'm just feeling slightly more sure of it this time around.

In news related to how screwed I am, Mayra's birthday is Saturday and I feel I'm not quite ready for it. Details at 11.

PAX East 2010 Recap

I know it's been almost a week since PAX East, but between work and sickness and other things I haven't had a chance to sit down and get my thoughts out.

And I'm still not going to be able to do it just yet. I probably won't be able to fully digest this past weekend until I start flipping through the pictures I took. I'll probably post 'em here. We'll see.

I really want to talk about the amazing moments I saw at PAX, too. Things like people donating $1000+ graphics cards to Child's Play or people tearing up as they explain the impact that Penny Arcade has had on their lives. That's a whole other post on its own.

Plus, this post is already way too long. It's full of rambling and simplifications of theories I have and it does a terrible job conveying what I'm trying to say, but let's just get into it:

The short answer regarding PAX is that it was awesome. I had a ton of fun, and once I got the hang of finding things to do and lining up at the right time, it was just great.

As for the long answer?

Well, let's get abstract for a moment:

I've always been a nerd/geek/what-have-you. I've always been into fantasy and sci-fi genres. I get a kick out of comics and animation and all that crap. Most importantly, I've literally been playing videogames since before I could read. (I used to drive Bryan crazy asking him to read Dragon Quest to me because I was just so gosh darn stubborn and I wanted to play despite the fact that I could not understand a single thing that was going on. Then again, I guess that's still the way I act when I've imported a game, so I guess I haven't learned? Ah well.) But yeah - games are where it's at. Gaming is a love I've always had.

Thinking back to my childhood and adolescence, I can guarantee you that there were far more weekends and vacations spent inside playing games, or reading gaming books or (later on) browsing the internet for gaming content than going out to parties or going for walks or whatever. That's not to say I didn't do those things or that I think wound up being a weirdo because of it. I had a social life and I played sports and all that. But my real passion was always in games. I'd love talking about games with my brothers or my friends. It was great.

But you don't act like this all the time. People like me generally understand that not everybody is interested in what the developer's ending for Chrono Trigger is or how to find the beam sword in the New Mombasa Scarab level of Halo 2. Which is fine, after all - I have other interests and I enjoy talking to people about what they're into. That's fine.

Still, there was never too much of an outlet for that. Even when I would talk with my brothers or my friends, it still felt like it was us alone against the world. Then there's the internet. Sure, you could chat and post with people who have similar feelings on these subjects as you do, but it's never the same. They may be real people, but for all intents and purposes, you're just reading text or watching a video feed or something along those lines. It's not really the same.

Plus, with gamers? Gamers have The Test." Every time a big gamer meets another gamer in the real world, there's always a testing of faith that occurs. You never want to admit you're a huge gamer to somebody you just met who only plays Call of Duty and Madden (not that there's anything wrong with that!) At the same time, you want to make sure that this new stranger knows that you're not just some pantywaist - you've served your time in the gaming trench.

So you give them The Test. You poke and prod, name dropping some games or casually mentioning a genre or series that you're a fan of. You see how they respond, then file that away to pursue during a later moment in the conversation. It's only after you're sure that they're just as into games as you that you can finally open up and start talking like normal people who share a common interest. It's almost like a secret handshake, except that nobody seems to realize that they do it.

I've seen it happen and I've done it myself. Pay attention next time you're introduced to somebody at a party or during an icebreaker. Maybe it's due to years of the gaming community treated as freaks or miscreants. Maybe it's just a social tic that we all share. Whatever it is, we tend to be cautious with these situations. You don't want to show your hand too early and find out your new coworker as just being nice when they said they "really liked Tetris."

But then there's PAX.

And the thing about PAX - and I couldn't have stated it this way until I had experienced it - is that as a gamer it just feels right. It feels like you've been keeping this big secret love between yourself and those close to you but you could never surround yourself with it in the real world. But PAX let's you immerse yourself in your role as a gamer, a nerd, or whatever title you give yourself. It's not just a convention. Gabe and Tycho aren't exaggerating when they describe the whole thing like one big party - that's what it feels like. You've got the people who are listening to the panels over here, while another group just wants to go play some Street Fighter over there, and over to the side you have the lounge where people are just getting together and chatting, gaming or relaxing. And everyone there speaks the same nerd language and everybody there knows where you're coming from.

I talked to people about games, both old and new. I chatted with game developers abI know it's been almost a week since PAX East, but between work and sickness and other things I haven't had a chance to sit down and get my thoughts out.

And I'm still not going to be able to do it just yet. I probably won't be able to fully digest this past weekend until I start flipping through the pictures I took. I'll probably post 'em here. We'll see.

The short answer regarding PAX is that it was awesome. I had a ton of fun, and once I got the hang of finding things to do and lining up at the right time, it was just great.

As for the long answer?

Well, let's get abstract for a moment:

I've always been a nerd/geek/what-have-you. I've always been into fantasy and sci-fi genres. I get a kick out of comics and animation and all that crap. I've literally been playing videogames since before I could read. (I used to drive Bryan crazy asking him to read Dragon Quest to me because I was just so gosh darn stubborn and I wanted to play despite the fact that I could not understand a single thing that was going on. Then again, I guess that's still the way I act when I've imported a game, so I guess I haven't learned? Ah well.)

Thinking back to my childhood and adolescence, I can guarantee you that there were far more weekends and vacations spent inside playing games or reading books or (later on) browsing the internet. Sure, I've always had plenty of friends, but most of the time we would get together and revel in our own nerdery. This was my life and has been for years.

But you don't act like this all the time. People like me generally understand that not everybody is interested in what the developer's ending for Chrono Trigger is or how to find the beam sword in the New Mombasa Scarab level of Halo 2. Which is fine, after all - I have other interests and I enjoy talking to people about what they're into.

Still, there was never too much of an outlet for that. Even when I would talk with my brothers or my friends, it still felt like it was us alone against the world. Then there's the internet. Sure, you could chat and post with people who have similar feelings on these subjects as you do, but it's never the same. They may be real people, but for all intents and purposes, you're just reading text or watching a video feed or something along those lines. It's just not the same as true social interaction.

Plus, with gamers? Gamers have The Test." Every time a big gamer meets another gamer in the real world, there's always a testing of faith that occurs. You never want to admit you're a huge gamer to somebody you just met who only plays Call of Duty and Madden (not that there's anything wrong with that!) At the same time, you want to make sure that this new stranger knows that you're not just some pantywaist - you've served your time in the gaming trench.

So you give them The Test. You poke and prod, name dropping some games or casually mentioning a genre or series that you're a fan of. You see how they respond, then file that away to pursue during a later moment in the conversation. It's only after you're sure that they're just as into games as you that you can finally open up and start talking like normal people who share a common interest. It's almost like a secret handshake, except that nobody seems to realize that they do it.

I've seen it happen and I've done it myself. Pay attention next time you're introduced to somebody at a party or during an icebreaker.

But then there's PAX.

And the thing about PAX - and I couldn't have stated it this way until I had experienced it - is that it feels right. It feels like you've been keeping this big secret love between yourself and those close to you but you could surround yourself with it in the real world. But PAX let's you immerse yourself in your role as a gamer, a comic book nerd, or whatever title you give yourself. It's not just a convention. Gabe and Tycho aren't exaggerating when they describe the whole thing like one big party - that's what it feels like. You've got the people who are listening to the panels over here, while another group just wants to go play some Street Fighter over there, and over to the side you have the lounge where people are just getting together and chatting, gaming or relaxing. And everyone there speaks the same nerd language and everybody there knows where you're coming from. There were fans, comic creators, game developers, and musicians and they were all friendly and open and happy to chat about their favorite games or how much fun they were having at PAX.

During one of the Penny Arcade Q&A sessions, an attendee said that he ran into Wil Wheaton (former Star Trek: Next Generation actor, current all-around geek ambassador and keynote speaker for PAX East). The attendee mentioned that he hadn't been to PAX before, at which point Wil smiled and said to him, "Welcome home."

That's what PAX is. It's not people obsessing over their hobbies or being deviants. It's people getting together for a weekend and celebrating their shared love for the community they've built.

And it just feels right.